I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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