what if every blade of grass was a penis?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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