I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
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The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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