Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
