Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
