I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
