I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
