so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
