We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
