i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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