Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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