How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
