Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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