Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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