He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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