Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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