You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize