I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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