you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
