How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
