i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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