can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
