well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
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