FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
