Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
