i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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