Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
