We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
