I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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