census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
