Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
