Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
