I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Who put my cat in the fridge?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
