I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
