I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
