was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital