Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY