the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
