just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
