I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
