I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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