That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
