There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
