You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
