I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
