he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize