It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
