If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
