walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You can't special order awesome
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
