Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
