if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
