i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he fucked my hip out of place.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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