I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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