Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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