He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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