My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
