just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well I just put wine in my tea
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
