We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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