She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
