Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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