You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
