I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
