Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
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I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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