I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
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It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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