this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
