This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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