I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
