I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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