i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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