YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
