it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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