i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
