Do you still have your period?
babies were throwing up all over the place
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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