I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
