I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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