I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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