I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
