do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
