someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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