please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
