What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
